Thursday, December 15, 2011

THE SEXY SOUNDS OF FULL-STRENGTH TESTOSTERONE




by Dick of All Dicks & Poli Tico


I always write here I consider gays as sisters & I've never been into incest. I only socialize mostly with straight people though I have gay friends who should only be sexual A-listers. I can only stomach sex with heterosexuals- men before, girls now. I was never into half measures, I was never into knockoffs. There is no equality in sex- either you have it or you don't. To the last one belong the ugly ones, the hicks, the bad breath, the old ones & the B-lister gays

Sex & music are feasts of the senses so the sexual orientation of the singer matters. The singer must radiate the right stimuli. If your skin hairs stand up when a B-lister fag touches you, your skin will stand up when he croons into your earphone. As if you gave him access to "violate" you while you're relaxing in your private sanctuary. The rest can have their politics, no need to pretend one is avant-garde, liberal or intellectual when celebrating a musical sensual feast. The sensations should be real, true & of the right kind for you to enjoy the experience. No need to challenge your stomach if all you wanted was a sensual feast.

We have a special post on contemporary music today. Funny, a big portion of the emails are "queries" about my music. Well, it's obvious, music is as important to me as sex, & naturally, my taste on music reflects my taste on sex. Pure gold. No fake Rolex, no fake Louis Vuitton. I turn off as soon as I get the first whiff of substandard testosterone or estrogen, the hairs on my skin automatically just stand up. The first singer I deleted from my collection wasn't even proven, just a suspicion. One of my favorites when I was a teenager was a group called Matchbox 20 but a time came when the singer was rumored among my friends as heavily into swinging both ways on the road. I was really hot on rock then & to me, rock should be full-strength testosterone. Well, one day, I just felt while listening to the singer, Rob Thomas, that as if I was listening to my gay Muscle Mary hairdresser & I was letting the latter to croon to me in my own room. Suddenly when that thought popped up in my mind, I actually tasted the bile rose up my throat. I've thrown away already all my records of the band even long before the gossips appeared later on claiming him making out with Adam Levine & Tom Cruise. But I don't necessarily believe the rumors per se. It ultimately depends on the vibes that you get from the singer. I've been into revival recently & I can say I'm a converted fan of the 60's. The Doors have been getting a lot of airplay in my music player lately, I just love the sound of Jim Morrison, the lead singer. There were stories he's bisexual & I actually read 3 of the biographies about him (from where the claim originated) just to check it out but I came out of that unconvinced (I'll discuss this on a coming separate article). Of course, if they come out later with a more convincing proof, there's no telling how I would react. He's a Rimbaudian character, there's a lot of that in the now-I-can-say "ironically ignorant" 60's. Meanwhile, I've deleted all those of REM, even my early favorite "Losing My Religion" now makes my skin crawl. I threw away records I inherited from my father of Rolling Stones (because of Mick Jagger), Peter Townshend, etc. No, I don't miss them, I have a 273 GB music collection in 8 languages & I buy at least 10 digital albums a week so my music appreciation is on a perpetual headlong rush, I leave the trash behind. I buy by albums- if I love a song, I buy the whole album. If I love a singer, I buy the whole discography. I listen to a singer I like days on end. There are so many good songs & singers anyway. My rule is simple: look at the gay advocacy of a singer (or actor, if in the movies). The gay market is miniscule, so if a singer risks alienating the straight-loving crowd which include a lot of wealthy gays who actually buy, he inevitably gives off this "closet" vibe- more likely, his determination comes from actually fighting for himself. Shock tactics don't work for me, mere flashes in the pan. No need to swallow vomits if you just want to enjoy one of life's real sensual feasts- music. The singer shouldn't be the sour note.

Ultimately, it would depend if the singer projected the right note of good taste. I used to like Lady Gaga but when I saw her with this bunch of dancing Muscle Mary's in one of her videos , my mental image of her now is virtually that of a Muscle Mary herself who assaults my not too strong stomach too & I have since ignored her. There's just something cheap with blatant gay tones every time & it's the cheapness which principally turns off. Physically manifested gays should be behind the scenes (except perhaps in comedy, they are natural comedians by default). The fact that decades of gay superstars & intensive propaganda in Britain turned off eventually the population that only 1% of the population now are willing to self-identify as gay just proves the futility of making them attractive. As I wrote before: It had all the big name queers, from the early gender-benders (but who now proclaim unconvincingly their heterosexuality, one even lost in the courts) to the still-active old fag reliables like Elton John, George Michael, Boy George, etc. If this stellar cast didn't convince the Brits & instead just made the 9% to burrow deeper, what more promotions could possibly be done after how many decades of trying? Come to think of it,how could you really promote something which has been a flop for centuries? The promotional noise generated might have made the wishful thinkers conclude their wishes were coming true, but in reality the same noise actually just turned off most everyone else. In the end, star power is no match to classy libido. Compassion is a pretentious excuse to degrade a product meant primarily to stimulate sensual good feelings.

Same with ugly heterosexuals. I won't bother listening too to somebody who looks or sounds cheap even though he may be a hetero. When I first hang out with Ewan in London, he was hot about this certain band (though I never liked them). But later on my return visit, I was surprised he suddenly dumped them & he said they were just "bloody cheap rent boys". Ewan likes only straight boys but he doesn't stoop to hiring professional rent boys who could be had by anyone "cheaply" (like eating left-overs, he said). The sin of the band? According to him, "they were too cheap (besides being suspicious sexually too)" for disrobing publicly first in front of gays in a gay bar. Ewan explained it thus: Gays who love straight guys (& are willing to pay big money for them) don't really prefer demonstrably gay-friendly ones because that dampens their manly appeal (it only invites suspicion on their real sexuality too). Do you have to do it cheaply to do shock tactics? Or being cheap the shock? There is only 1% gay in Britain so new markets couldn't be the reason so what was the "real" reason especially to a band which is already famous? The band later made up by appearing naked everywhere, this time to women too, but their first slip might have revealed something of their true colors & Ewan has never forgotten his initial disgust so he just moved on (I remember the time when my Aussie friends heckled me for featuring an Aussie athlete model who bared in a gay magazine saying only a "closet" case would do so & he didn't deserve to be in a straight guy blog). Ignorance is bliss, as long as you don't know the real score, the singer is safe but he'll be deleted as soon as you discover the truth. And you'll hate him then for duping you. You remember the times you wasted time swooning & you can't help but puke. Nausea will be your constant Pavlovian reaction the next time you encounter that singer. The relatively less famous acts give greater comfort. One of my favorite albums for the year is Beirut's Riptide but I refrain from reading anything about them. I just enjoy listening to their sound. If by chance they suddenly had the idea to cheapen everything by announcing they're gay, I will simply delete them.

My favorite album for the year is UK's Charlie Simpson's Young Pilgrim. All great songs. My top American act is- surprise- The Doors from 1967. For two months now, I've been on a revival Jim Morrison diet so they better not come out with definitive proof he's less than what I think he is or I'll vomit big-time.

Below are my favorites as the year is about to end. As you can see, a mix of old & new. I haven't reached the tail-end of my fascination with Spanish rock-flamenco. I became a fan of Spanish sounds because of my frequent trips to Spain with my girl friend & my close Spanish friend whom I call Coño (vagina slang in Spanish though he looks more like a clitoris). American & British acts dominate, & surprisingly, my taste is evolving. I'm past the trance music fascination, my rock music is giving way to a more eclectic, mellower mix.

My Favorite Albums for 2011:

1. Charlie Simpson, UK- Young Pilgrim

2. The Doors, US- The Doors, Morrison Hotel, LA Woman

3. Beirut, US- The Rip Tide

4. Kings of Leon, US- Only By The Night

5. Matt Kearney, US- City of Black & Blue, Nothing Left To Lose

6. Kasabian, UK- Velociraptor

7. Deftones, US- Diamond Eyes

8. Dani Martin, Spain- Pequeno

9. Arcade Fire, Canada- The Suburb

10. Ryan Adams, US- Ashes & Rain

11. Adele, UK- 21 (my girlfriend's favorite)

Favorite Songs

I turned 30 this year; I myself was surprised I was suddenly into mellower sounds this year. Getting old? Nope, my having fallen in love with my very straight girlfriend has more to do with it. All these emotions suddenly became more intense. Generally, I play by albums but I created a playlist, the first time (& only one), composed of the songs below.

1.Touch Me- The Doors (US)

2. El cielo de los perros- Dani Martin (Spain)

3. The Rip Tide- Beirut (US)

4. If I Lose It- Charlie Simpson (UK)

5. No Me Arrepiento- Tete (Argentina)

6. Riverbanks- Charlie Simpson (UK)

7. A Man of Simple Pleasures- Kasabian (UK)

8. Nothing Left To Lose- Matt Kearney (US)



Touch Me- The Doors (US)



No Me Arrepiento- Tete (Argentina)



If I Lose It- Charlie Simpson (UK)



December 16, 2011
Pity, Delilah couldn't find a video for If I Lose It showing the face of Charlie, he happens to be the best-looking singer in the world today so here he is again with Down Down Down