Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

PRACTICALITIES OF SEX: The Rock Star Erection Maneuver

A lot of reactions from my last post (read here). Brickbrats about pride of place. If I found Britain's former gender-bending tradition actually damaged its sex appeal, what can I say about the very gay Hollywood just nearby? Why, have you read here that I ever solicited in Hollywood (which is actually cheaper because of stiff competition among hungry actor wannabes)? Same "appetite-dampening veneer" created by "pink clouds". That's why I traipsed the world to look for straight men in the right ambiance where my appetite won't be terrorized by extraneous tastes. Perhaps that's the reason I became outspoken because of the sullied ambiance around (this is the gathering place in the US, after all). I pay a premium for a name brand not because it's worth the price, I buy it because of the associated tides of good feeling. A cute guy may really be straight but he won't be appealing if you found him in the muck. Ambiance creates or breaks the sexy mood, a very gay concept, remember? Though visible gender-bending among stars in Hollywood is an infant compared to the (former) British one. Aside from the noise from the sidelines composed mostly of gays looking to out closet actors who could share in their misery, the names that matter, especially the males, are mostly hidden because of marketing considerations. Those who are out are not really fantasy material in the first place that the only significance of their action was they said it (mere gays in the neighborhood, as we say, like the fag hairstylist in the parlor, they don't count; the star system, remember?). Look at the mostly lesbians who outed themselves, are the active ones the type that boys even fantasized about when they were closeted? As I said, outing could be beneficial in that it's easier to separate the chaff from the grain & thrown into the dumpster of desire so you can focus on the grain. But we know it's never going to be as clear-cut as that. The girls who matter & who are brave in "acknowledging" their bisexuality have barricaded themselves with husbands or boyfriends just in case the shock value creates a backlash. Those who have no husbands are floundering, or have sunk (like Anne Hache, who found a husband too late). Besides, the shock isn't there anymore because of copycats so those who used the gimmick last have disappeared (including a very sexy one who really shouldn't have cheapened herself with any overused gimmick). Well, we know the boys have their beards. Before, the beards were really innocent heterosexual females. Now, they make do with something more to their taste- bisexual ones. Which are not perfect beards because the situation gives a window to their equal opportunity secrets.

Outing for a young male embarking on a career in showbiz & sports only means one thing so far: you have no more ambitions to go to the top, ready to merely exist in the margins, a mere fag in the neighborhood like the fairy hairstylist, a voluntary has-been before your peak. That is true anywhere, even in more advanced so-called gender-sensitive countries like in the Netherlands, the most liberal country in the world & where gays have been married for a decade, or in France, where they are very visible because of the fashion industry. If you did it when you were already a star, at least you're already well-known, but as the fag superstars who were at the forefront of the decades of gay promotions in Britain like Elton John, George Michael, etc. discovered when they learned only 1% of the British now dare to identify as gay, you just can never be too sure if you're still taken seriously.

A big reality check after the noise has died down.

Sometimes, I just write what I'm thinking just to buttress the point of my discussion. It's only later that I would be surprised by the unintended consequences. I wrote a few posts back (read here) that the formula to determine if a man is bisexual is to see if his wife is one. If she's into romantic flings with women, so is his husband into sex with other men. In short, symmetrical sexuality of partners. This isn't surprising; if you're always hobnobbing with all kinds of straight men, which most of my friends are (they never knew the hidden part of my sexual past), you're familiar with the nuances of the heterosexuality of one. Being liberal or open-minded has nothing to do with it. I am an evidence-based professional; when I said something as so, it's because when my friend Greg verified it, he had material evidence, not just words. If you're wondering why we suddenly had a flurry of posts after that article, it's because I tried to change the topic somewhat because of the surge of emails. But it has persisted: so many questions, foremost are the identities, & worse, if somebody was behind us to malign somebody. How could we malign anybody when we're not directly pointing to anybody? Actually Greg talked only of three pairs of celebrities, & we never named names.

Speaking of bisexuals. Another interesting email. From a boy who describes himself as bi but more on the gay side. He said he really wants to be with real women (not bisexual) but he always had this fear he might not have regular erection. No problem. Increase your sexual sensibility by first practicing on straight girls less pretty than you. They would intimidate less so less pressure on you. They will be too grateful to have somebody they will forgive you if ever you missed. They would rather spend hours waking up your dick than suffer the torture of apprehensively waiting for somebody to hook up with them. I never had a problem having erection but that's how my Dutch friend Jan tackled his problem. His formula: look for ordinary looking but trying hard, talkative of their being liberal women. From a small town ideally, but one trying to overly impress as cool. Ordinary looking women are actually behind most of the gay scenes in TV programs. Symptom of their hatred on men not paying them attention. Sign also of their vulnerability to the attention of any men who might notice them. That's your ace. A bi will be a godsend to these types (but don't tell her you're bi, tell her you have a drug induced-rock star soft cock, she might replace you if, by some miracle, she meets another ugly but true hetero, who she doesn't have to massage, before you're through rehearsing on her). Try to practice regularly the "Rock Star Erection Maneuver": they let the girls suck them to erection first, feigning effect of drugs, before mounting the girls. No foreplay needed on their part. So even if they were into guys, the girls won't know a thing because they're doing all the work to harden up the man artificially. Try snarling for special effects if she complains of your limp penis: "It's just the drugs, stupid!"

Or try to convince her to always role-play like a man in your sexual relations. Make her wear a beard, or man's clothing, until you get a full erection, then tell her to remove the clothes & pump her immediately before it softens. Hitting two birds with one stone, a man & a woman in one embrace, perfect bisexual maneuver. If that still doesn't work, don't be choosy & endure a bisexual woman for a while, practice your heterosexual credentials with her, then find the perfect straight one later on when you have gained the confidence.

The goal is to discover the perfect fit of a cock to a vagina. Once you discover the delight, you won't go back to a man's ass. Once you get pass the erection Rubicon, everything flows naturally. You'll love the one who gives the maximum pleasure to your nervous system. Jan was not even a bi, he was gay. He lost his virginity to a woman three months ago, at 32. He considers himself now as bi (though I myself think it's too early). He has a spectacular straight kept boy & a dumpy girl friend, but now that he's more confident, he's just finding a way how to break up gently with the latter & look for a more presentable one. He doesn't want to unduly hurt her. After all, she was her first vagina.

Practicalities of sexuality. If actors can do it, so can you. Don't be squeamish, you're not just using an ugly girl, you're also giving her the confidence to go on with the adventure of life.

Friday, September 16, 2011

SEXY THOUGHTS (No, It's Not About The Virtues Of Promoting A Dead Horse, It's Really About Really, Really Sexy Things... )

Sam Warburton, Cardiff Blues, Magners League; captain, Wales, Rugby World Cup 2011

In a way, you could call it guilt. If you've been following this blog since the beginning, you'd notice I didn't visit much nor stayed long in Britain. If not for one of my closest friends, Ewan, who was always inducing me to try the island more (with a ready straight lad with three-day undies, lol), I would've avoided it altogether & just hit it off in the continent. The aura created by its long media gender-bending history gave it an appetite-dampening veneer, that even after the fact, you're still wondering if whom you had sex with was really a real one or a closet variety. An unwelcome but lingering aftertaste of bile, I dare say. I never solicited anybody unless vouched by Ewan who I know is as strict with the heterosexual standards of his men as me. But everything changed when he recently (rather triumphantly) told me about the fact only 1% Britons now are left willing to identify as gay. As if the pink clouds hanging over Britain has automatically disappeared & I could see all the straight lads I've missed. A matter of whole new perception really, a paradigm shift, the queasy edge all but evaporated with the sickening mist. Australia has been my surrogate sexual Britain & I've had exciting times there (thanks to Tom, Ted, etc). But the adventure would've been more complete if I also had equal fun times in the source.

Suddenly Britain is very sexy these days. Things British are making me horny. I'm writing this post while listening to a British singer I just discovered: Newton Faulkner's Rebuilt by Robots.

So, the model of gay media promotion everywhere, especially in America, is Britain, how did it fail? It had all the big name queers, from the early gender-benders (but who now proclaim unconvincingly their heterosexuality, one even lost in the courts) to the still-active old fag reliables like Elton John, George Michael, Boy George, etc. If this stellar cast didn't convince the Brits & instead just made the 9% to burrow deeper, what more promotions could possibly be done after how many decades of trying? Come to think of it, how could you really promote something which has been a flop for centuries? The promotional noise generated might have made the wishful thinkers conclude their wishes were coming true, but in reality the same noise actually just turned off most everyone else. In the end, star power is no match to classy libido. Some underestimated the capacity of the British to preserve their good taste. For a nation which is naturally apologetic (they are always saying sorry), what they are thinking isn't immediately apparent, but when it does come, it astounds. Really, good taste is very British.

Sorry, Ewan, for my presumptuousness.

Now, what is the significance of the British having taste ? Because the same gender-bending script is being duplicated in Hollywood. The same presumption that Americans might not have taste. Really?


Not that it matters really. I'm now into straight women. My girlfriend's mother is British.


I forgot. So was my grandpa. But that would be incest.

Speaking of another delicious British, here's the old reliable Ben Foden. He's part of the England RFU team in the Rugby World Cup in New Zealand.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

THE FARMERS OF L.A. & Other Topics Of Hormonal Importance: Nausea-Proof Sexuality, Dieux du Stade 2012 & Rugby World Cock ... oops, Cup

by Dick of All Dicks & Poli Tico

If you noticed in the sidebar, I've already chosen "Strong-stomachiage" as our official terminology in lieu of "Gay Marriage". It was suggested by Tom of Sydney, & I think it captures just how I've always felt about the thing. I may have loved having sex with straight men at one point but I simply never had the strong stomach to do it with a B-lister gay man, much less marry anyone of the kind. But it didn't stop others from suggesting their take. Special mention is from Rod from Las Vegas: gay marriage for him is "nausea-proofing".

Tom married Fred because he could stomach having sex with him.

Tom got nausea-proofed with Fred because he could stomach having sex with him.

Meaning, not all men who are into men are nausea-proof so they never could stomach marrying each other. The truth is, most simply have more refined taste than our B-lister "sisters".

Before, I was inundated with emails from gays who sent their nude pictures hoping to seduce me & test if my stomach was strong enough. No dice, I respect too much my "sisters" & "grandmas", even the most macho-looking ones. Last week, after I posted I actually had sex with two female readers, it's the turn of the girls to send their nude photos. I wonder if most weren't part of the same class though. Same age levels, same pose (the thumb & index finger separating their labia while they try to look their interpretation of a seductive pose to the camera). They were all swearing they weren't bisexuals, & one quoted what I wrote in the last post, that she "hates diluted Pinot Noir & fake Rolex too". Lol, I'm horny already, obviously she has taste, too. Very sexy gimmick, girls.

I have to make a confession though. That sexual fling with the girl I wrote about in the last post happened early this year yet. I already have a steady girlfriend who meets all my standards & we're practically living in together. We have plans to marry, probably next year so I'm into heterosexual monogamy nowadays. Next month, I'll be a father too. A French girl I accidentally impregnated because of "heat of the moment" unprotected sex during my sexual conversion program (ah, that wild time) will give birth to my first son. I would have wanted to give him a normal family life but I fell in love already with my present girl. Love does complicate even the lives of the innocents but I've been busy trying to figure out how to make it up to reduce any deficits on his development. Fatherhood prospects excite me, & I'm glad he'll grow up with no risk of incurring the damaged psyche of one growing up with a father who is a laughing-stock among his peers.

But I'm getting into the groove of a normal life. Needless to say, I'm satisfied with my life now.

Cool, I think our new format is cool. Politics, sports & sex. Treated very differently from the usual hackneyed sources. Stripped of mindless pretensions hiding behind intellectually dishonest political correctness which is boring everybody. Not to mention the general lowering of taste & other standards of excellence, may I add, which contributed to the breakdown in the West these days because it became culturally expedient for people to relax on their standards & be content in deludedly pretending as "cool", clueless of the ominous cracking of the very foundations of their dream world. Some still love posturing like a 1990's gender-bending British like it's the coolest thing in the world, but just succeeded in betraying they came from a farm somewhere, clueless (as always) that the British have long outgrown the pretension. Do these yokels know even British gays were turned off after all the decades of media gender-bending that only 1% of them now remained willing to identify themselves as bent? Have you noticed so many of these poseurs still litter the LA scene? Cool America, huh? I don't blame the Brits for laughing. My Brit DJ friend once related the story of this trying-hard gender-bending California rock duo who visited London. They immediately postured as latter-day Bowie & Jagger wanna-bes in their interviews. They were too stoned to notice that nobody among the self-respecting current crop of big British rock groups has remained as hicky as them with gimmicks long considered "passe". Pity because I would have loved their songs. They didn't need hackneyed gimmicks from their British auntie's closet, it just made their sound cheap. That's what they get for getting handlers who just escaped from the farm like them.

That's the reason why the West is currently reeling: suddenly being a clueless cultural farmhand is cool.

Writing this blog has been a learning process. It is now more attuned to our social, intellectual & educational levels (everybody, even our "humble" poster who I now call Poli Tico because of his deep political viewpoints, has a doctorate, & we were just publishing sport beefcake). We're trying to upgrade the genre in our own style. It all started as a prank during a rained out manhunt vacation, & we were surprised it caught on even after we have forgotten it. We were hesitant at first to continue but what the heck, why not a new adventure? But we'd rather not post if we'd only be just like the rest though. I've actually given total freedom to Poli (cute name) to continue with the blog when I finally decided I would self-identify as heterosexual, but I have to butt in with alacrity again, blame it on my British friend Ewan for calling me about that unbelievable transformation of taste in the "land of straight lads who change their undies every three days & straight girls who douche with vinegar every minute" (our private joke, don't ask what it means). We'll still have interesting study pieces like those on JFK & Brando but probably we should hark back to our previous sensual inclination every now & then. Many are still sending pictures (Red of New York wrote he missed the days when we were publishing many times a day, "nobody still came close to replacing us". Lol. Were you from the PR of Lehman Bros, Red?). It's the time of the year when straight rugby players should be getting naked before the cameras again. It should be an opportune time because the Rugby World Cock, er, Cup, I should say... is ongoing in New Zealand.

Thomas sent the pics below from the 2011 DVD. He sure has good visual acuity. But if the coming "Dieux du Stade 2012" is to succeed, they shouldn't reduce people to resort to straining their eyes hunting for wayward pieces of genitalia. Doing so will hasten their now hurtling trip to oblivion.

I've actually almost forgotten DDS if not for Thomas' email. Then suddenly there was a deluge of emails asking why we seem not to be the first source anymore? Well, my French friend Yves is busy nowadays because of the plan of the French government to tax the rich in the wake of their moribund economy, so he's probably watching his father more than watching Rugby players these days. Moreover, since my sexual conversion, he became more into cocooning with his wife instead of hunting "les mecs" in the Sorbornne (Dingue, dingue, dingue...) We've been influencing each other. First, Juan entered sexual conversion, I followed suit, then if you're wondering why no feature lately from my favorite hunting ground, Italy, it's because my former partner in cockhunting, Tomasso, is now engaged. Yup, with a very pretty girl (Mamma mia, Tomasso, tua ragazza deve farmi un pompino, va bene?). He didn't want to be edged out in our eternal friendly oneupmanship. Even my Dutch friend who first tried strong-stomachiage but later divorced his queen husband who got queener every year recently called up he finally came inside a vagina. I've been heckling him that if he could get horny with his former husband who looked like a muscled Kate Moss, no reason he couldn't do it with a girl. He was actually ecstatic: "Ja... echt geen misselijkheid!" Lol. He has no need for strong stomachs anymore.

Of course, not all of my friends are benign. Greg, my neighbor, seems malignant, he's refractory to all therapies so far. But he'll try again next year. Meanwhile, he just bought another sports car for his straight kept boy.

What a Rugby World Cock... er, Cup indeed!

NOTE: I was listening to French singer Christophe Mae's album, On A Trace La Route, while writing this post. It is the first one I did while practically dancing. Dingue, dingue, dingue... Next, I'll listen to the recommendation of my Spanish friend, Coño, Carlos Baute's Amarte Bien. Then Foster The People's Torches.

cover- Sébastien Torresin