Thursday, December 23, 2010

GODS OF SOCCER: Gareth Bale of Tottenham Hotspur, Barclays Premier League

Ewan once asked me which is worse: being punched by a cute straight boy you fondled in a public toilet or sucking a writhing muscle diva every night for the rest of your life. He said, at least with the first, there was ecstasy before the pain, & it most probably will occur only once in a decade. The latter is unremitting suffering every night, steeling your stomach & controlling your gag reflex until you grow old if you had the stupidity to marry the muscle diva.

Actually, you don't have to be punched. If you had the money, you could even suck the straight boy (real money- not the $20 offered by the Congressman caught offering a policeman $20 in a Florida toilet. If he only had increased the amount by 2 zeroes, the policeman out to entrap him would've conveniently forgotten his mission orders & most likely complicitly opened his zipper). I guess, life is a matter of balancing the odds. If the problem concerns sexuality, the solution should be delicious (what is sexuality for?). The solution is worse than the problem if you'd only be holding your gag reflex just so you could convince yourself your lot is "improving". Of course, like I said before, people in the Third World live in dumpsites but people adapt, they eventually learn to convince themselves they're content living in a dumpsite. If you suck the writhing muscle diva enough, you probably can convince yourself in time that it's delicious. But then, as Ewan impertinently quipped, if you can convince yourself in time that sucking a writhing muscle diva is delicious, you can also convince yourself in time being punched by a cute straight boy after fondling his big juicy dick is delicious.

Lesson: don't be poor. It's not delicious.

Well, somebody delicious is Gareth Bale. My British friend Ewan has been egging me to feature him for so long I decided to present Gareth Bale as my Christmas gift to him.

celebrating straight boy Gareth:

Open Crotch



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